Online Now!

My friend Tiina says I am a writer, yet no one can tell reading my profile. “Tell a story,” she prompts. “It’s what you do.” Meaning, I think, I need to put my best foot forward, since I am not a six-foot blonde with an exotic Estonian spelling of my first name to garner male attention. I have red hair and am four inches shorter. Ergo, too much for the average man and not really distinctive to the taller ones. Also, for the first time in my life I have discovered that red hair, the only thing about me I have ever believed to be pretty, is not an asset to some men. Some men will click on “any” where the website asks for details regarding your perfect match‘s hair color. Some men will click on either blonde or black. Some men however, a significant number it seems to me, will click on every option EXCEPT red. Guys who are careless of spelling or punctuation, guys who have pictures from their wedding nine years earlier with the bride’s illusion lace veil cropped from the picture almost entirely, guys who go to no trouble to click anything that consumes an extra second in any other category, will go to the trouble of specifying no red hair.
My story, when I post it, goes like this: Last week, I was baking brownies and checked for a commercial before turning on the mixer. No man on the couch, no game on TV, no interference in the age of cable reception anyhow, but six years post-divorce I still expect to hear “Cut that noisy thing off!“ So that is what I want to say. I want someone who will come into the kitchen with a sly grin and say can I lick the beaters. If you’re going to yell from the sofa about the noise, keep surfing. If you’re going to come into the kitchen, this is a good place for us to start.Tiina approves wholeheartedly. She says if it does not attract the love of my life, that at the very least I will be “knee deep in dick” within a few weeks. Tiina lives in Florida while I exist in Arkansas. When I relate this remark to my office mates, they find it hilarious and anxiously await more stories, thinking if I do not find that special someone, I will at least regale them with tales in the process. For Tiina is right about what I do: I make stories.